Words as Clues

One method of becoming aware of inner attitudes and feelings is to notice how often certain words are used and to think about the motivation behind the use of these words. When you notice yourself using some of the words, take a few moments and honestly determine your true feelings. Quite frequently, you will find that your motivation for using these words comes from a need to blame, win, express anger, and others described in the book. A few of the words are given below. More "Clue Words" and fuller descriptions are in Dr. Botten's book, "Creative Happiness." You - A you message often implies blame. It can also express anger, judgmentalism or jealousy. Why - Another word that tends to imply blame and is often the result of angry feelings. But - When one makes a comment, inserts "but," and then makes another comment, the first one is frequently ignored and the listener concentrates on the second. Can't - Often covers up the fact that you don't want to.

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